11 Stupid Legal Warnings

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I found these on How Stuff
If we do not stop this stupidity we are doomed.


Our lawsuit-obsessed society has forced product manufacturers to cover their “you-know-whats” by writing warning labels to protect us from ourselves. Some are funny, some are absolutely ridiculous, but all are guaranteed to stand up in court.
1. Child-size Superman and Batman costumes come with this warning label: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
2. A clothes iron comes with this caution: “Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.” Ouch!
3. The instructions for a medical thermometer advise: “Do not use orally after using rectally.”
4. The side of a Slush Puppy cup warns: “This ice may be cold.” The only thing dumber than this would be a disclaimer stating: “No puppies were harmed in the making of this product.”
5. The box of a 500-piece puzzle reads: “Some assembly required.”
6. A Power Puff Girls costume discourages: “You cannot save the world!”
7. A box of PMS relief tablets has this advice: “Warning: Do not use if you have prostate problems.”
8. Cans of Easy Cheese contain this instruction: “For best results, remove cap.”
9. A warning label on a nighttime sleep-aid reads: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
10. Cans of self-defense pepper spray caution: “May irritate eyes.”
11. Both boys and girls should read the label on the Harry Potter toy broom: “This broom does not actually fly.”


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Hat Tip To Old NFO.


Laws we live under, like it or not…

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

LAW OF GRAVITY – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF PROBABILITY – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

LAW OF RANDOM NUMBERS – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

LAW OF THE ALIBI – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

VARIATION LAW – If you change lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

LAW OF THE BATH – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

LAW OF THE THEATER AND FOOTBALL STADIUM – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance.

THE COFFEE LAW – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

MURPHY’S LAW OF LOCKERS – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

LAW OF PHYSICAL SURFACES – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

LAW OF LOGICAL ARGUMENT – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

LAW OF PHYSICAL APPEARANCE – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

LAW OF PUBLIC SPEAKING – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

LAW OF COMMERCIAL MARKETING STRATEGY – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

DOCTORS’ LAW – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.


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